There are many reasons women enlist in a friend with benefits: whether they want to relieve a dry spell or just aren’t seeking a long-term relationship, a casual bedmate can sometimes be the perfect temporary solution. Want to get your fix, but don’t know how? We’ve got a few tips for going about it.
Make sure it’s what you want.
This is an imperative piece of advice that must be considered above all else; after all, a friend with benefits really isn’t for everyone. Mull it over and decide if this is something you really want: if the idea of it leaves you feeling anxious and uncomfortable and you are constantly having a crisis of conscience over it, then it is wise you don’t engage in it. If you went through with it and still feel uneasy, don’t force yourself into it again.
Don’t do it with someone you’re in love with.
This is a common delusion: you nab your longtime crush as a bed buddy, and hope that great sex will help bring out any dormant feelings he may have for you. Enlisting in such a relationship is a bad idea, and you should just try and get his attention in other ways; otherwise, you’re in for a world of hurt when the sex dries up or, worse, he finds out you’re more into him than he is of you and bails.
Find someone you trust.
Some people prefer to have casual sex with new people in their lives; that is understandable, as we’re sure most don’t want to complicate any existing relationships they have with their male friends. However, we say lean towards someone in your existing social circle: this is someone you know and likely trust, can gauge if there is a vibe, and be comfortable enough with to establishing a sexual relationship.
Establish ground rules.
Any arrangement requires rules, and a friends-with-benefits situation is no exception. From deciding when and where to engage in activities to agreeing whether or not there should be cuddling after sex, these are some important things that need to be discussed to ensure that no lines are crossed.
Always use protection.
This is a definite no-brainer: playing it safe is the key to ensuring your good time stays as such. Always get tested before sleeping with a new partner, and don’t forget to use a condom every time so as to lower the risk of spreading STIs. Also, we highly suggest you don’t have more than one FWB at a time.
Know when to end it.
All good things must come to an end, so be sure to not let a sexual relationship continue past its expiration date. There are many triggers that can signify an end to a casual relationship, such as the sex has gone bad, your affair is interfering in your friendship or in your relationships with mutual friends, one of you has met someone else for something long-term or, of course, romantic feelings have arisen on one person’s part.